Nowhere is a destination I suppose. It is not where I thought I would be at this point. The map seemed clear enough, expand your consciousness, while breaking down old programming. Then my most awesome realities would come cruising in. It all seems so easy. Well it hasn’t been. Correction, it hasn’t been easy for my human aspect.
Surprisingly, breaking programming meant many people needed to go by the wayside. In fact, more people have exited then entered my life over the past few years. The door has seemed to only swing one way. After a while, I got use to it. Everyone being gone or in a state of flux. There was a sense of loss in the beginning but after a while, you lose that too. It is a right of passage I suppose, understanding that they were not meant to stay. No reason to morn. But for some I did anyway.
Sometimes it seemed surreal how much had to go. All of it really, then I waited for the new to come. I guess I thought it would come sooner or in different forms. Time seemed to keep flowing and the new seemed choppy, coming in spits and spurts. It all ways felt right over the horizon. I thought it was so close. In some ways, maybe I did expect a savior on a white horse. Everything to come rushing in at one time. That hasn’t been the case. My journey had all ways been two steps forward and one step back. When I look back over the years, much internal progress has taken place. The external seemed to be taking longer to line up.
I have been patient. I have done so much internal work it seems comical there was still depths uncharted. Externally things had thinned out in all areas. On the flip side, I had much more peace inside. It didn’t matter that the external had gotten so quiet. More peace inside had led to more peace outside. It made sense. The external reality was only a mirror.
This phase felt important in its own way. It truly showed that happiness didn’t come from anything on the outside. That is the point to this phase, you have to really get to this place to fully feel that. I can’t lie and say I don’t feel disappointed sometimes. It can be frustrating that the new realities have taken so long to build. I wanted some people to have a bigger role by this stage of the story. It seemed the more dynamic the character the faster they faded into the background. There was probably a point to that too.
Expectations seemed to be the biggest bump for me. In this game, the scenes change quickly and so do the players. Fixating on one outcome lead to the most lack luster moments. But looking back that had a special purpose too. It would cause me to dig in more. There were some moments when I was determined to succeed in spite of all the setbacks. On some level, I understood that they weren’t really setbacks. Those realities were not aligned. No need to force them. If there were meant to be there, they would come back around, in alignment. The one question I still had was “when.” I had given up on the “how.”
The vibration game is easy to master once you reach the place of not caring how things turn out. It is complete surrender on what the realities will look like and how they well unfold. That was the key. The secret sauce to changing my perception of my own personal experience. This space was profound for me in many ways. It taught me how to let go quicker then ever before. In a way, everything has been written in the sand.
My journey has not been on stable footing. It’s shifting all the time. In some ways, that was exciting. In other ways, it made me step into every fear I had. I kept hearing the words, “get your affairs in order”. That is what I had to do. That was the next step. No more playing in the sandbox. I was past that now. It was time to run into the waves with no life line. It was time to embrace the space of nowhere.
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